Restore to me the joy of your salvation… Psalm 51:12 (NIV)
I was deathly ill as a result of surgery for an abscess after my sigmoid colon was removed. Shortly after the surgery I experienced a two-week state of delirium. Just the devastating nightmares were extremely frightening. Returning home from a month in the hospital, I couldn’t feel the presence of God like I was used to. I felt so desolate and lonely without Him, while at the same time blaming him for this time of darkness. Anger over what I considered God’s betrayal plagued my thoughts. Expressing my concerns to a wise friend, he advised me not to force a quiet time or prayer. He said that God was showing me Himself in the avalanche of cards, phone calls, meals and sustaining visits from my many friends. Soon, with this new insight, I began to feel comforted that God had not abandoned me. Out of that peace, I decided to just wait for Him to restore me to the “joy of my salvation.” Gradually, He melted my heart with the graciousness of His presence. There are times we can’t reach Him for some reason or the other. However, we can trust Him through His incomprehensible love to seek us out. As we abandon ourselves to Him just as we are, He will be faithful to restore the relationship.
When I feel cut off from you, let me wait on your faithfulness to reveal yourself to me.
By Carol N. Carolina, USA